[After four years of travels, a letter from his parents reaches the author in Berlin, requesting that he return to Nuremberg, as they had chosen a bride for him. When Händler resists, the parents write that in the future he ought “not to expect the least bit of help” if a misfortune or illness were to befall him in distant parts. Upon this, he returns, though without agreeing to his parents’ marriage proposal. Even when meeting the chosen one in person, she does not appeal to him. For several months, he continues his delaying resistance.] [ . . . ]
[ . . . ] [My father] said to me [ . . . ], “Your big day is to be held on November 18, 1766, at the Golden Ox Inn, so take that as your cue.” I was thunderstruck, falling to my knees once more and begging in God’s name to grant my wish after all and not force me to marry, since he would see that nothing good could come of it. [ . . . ] Now I thought, “in this world you are entirely deserted, but if reward and punishment do take place, on that grand day, I intend to explain the experience I endured on earth.”
The wedding day came, and I went to the place of judgment like a poor sinner, and so I was led to the altar, as I understood not one word of what the priest at Saint Sebald Church made me repeat after him. For I was neither eyes nor ears, and many people who were eyewitnesses then felt sorry for me [ . . . ]. Thus, in the afternoon, the meal [ . . . ] took place at the Golden Ox Inn, I being more paralyzed than conscious, [ . . . ] feigned an indisposition, and as soon as the first coach arrived, I went home.
My readers will be surprised when I tell them that over the course of 14 years I fathered ten children with her; people will reply that if one has no fondness toward a person, it is quite incomprehensible how such a thing can be put into action. However, I have a ready answer to this. That I have never felt any fondness or affection toward my current wife is known to God and everyone. That I am not lying, that instead I have always acted honorably is something even my enemy must say about me. [ . . . ]
[Despite these events, relations between Händler and his parents do not break off at all [ . . . ]. Since his tailor’s trade is not very lucrative and he wishes to “get away with decency from his irksome life at home,” in November 1780 Händler accepts – after consultation with his parents and wife the post of a private secretary [ . . . ]. Only a few days afterward he is asked to come to a colonel who has brought along a letter from Nuremberg.]
print version
return to list
previous document